It’s been a rough few months. I can blog now I’m coming out the other side and can see clearly through the fog of the 21st of January that things are not as bleak as they seemed.
Not going to lie, December was a toughie. Facing burn out, mental, and physical fatigue and a loss of my love for running. Cause, timing and contributory factors identified I have now begun to get my s**t together.
Why blog? Well, honestly, it’s about honesty. My runners and athletes that I coach every day see a woman that seemingly gets on and does her stuff week in week out. But you know what, we all have our blips and moments of real self-doubt. We all have those times of uncertainty where we question all things under the stars. These times, where running is the last thing on our agenda and the last thing, we ‘want’ to do!
The important thing for me was making sure I found the love again.
Over the Christmas period I was struggling with getting up in the morning and was covered in some sort of stress rash. The thought of going for a run scared me?!
The worst day was the 27th. Didn’t sleep all night thinking about how I was going to get out for a run in the morning, I didn’t want to go at all but my bugger of a mind was telling me I had to go! With XC county champs round the corner…burnout from the doctor suggested, my head was torn.
Anyway, after an hour or two of procrastination I got my gear on and went…wrong choice! Fast forward a few miles up the road I hit my lowest with running for a while and a teary phone call home to Seb for a lift back was the message. 2 miles and I was done! Head gone!
After a lazy day I couldn’t stand that I had called for a lift home and my mind took over once again. Shoes back on and a blast round the park sorted my head out. But not my heart. My heart knew I had given in to my mind, I was feeling very weak.
Over the next few days, I dug deep to find what was causing this stress and resentment of running.
– I was running for the wrong reasons/no reason!
– I wasn’t sticking to my plan
– I wasn’t listening to my body
– I didn’t give myself meaningful goals
– I wasn’t listening to friends/family and the doctors that were telling me I was exhausted (even though I knew it)
After this self-talk, I decided I’d keep myself ticking along. This was the best solution and ticked most boxes. It also meant I could decide closer to the time whether to do the xc county champs.
What I made sure of was that I ran with people. Mum, Dad, Seb or anyone who could get out with me. At their pace, having a chat, feeling the air on my skin and the sunshine in my eyes.
I didn’t wear my watch, I placed no stress on myself for sessions and strengthened my body in other ways, giving myself that much needed TLC.
My mental cure is art. So I painted a few pictures and gifted them to friends/family – sorry friends/family 😂
Closer the champs I still wasn’t in race mode but figured the anxiety I’d face if I did not race was worse than what I’d face by doing it. I set myself a target to just run and if I’d finish last I can say this was my test and I’d passed by doing the race anyway.
The outcome was more than I could imagine by taking the win and I feel my mental toughness that day was close to 100%, despite physically not being on point.
Fire re-ignited and running back in my good books. My body is slowly coming round and my mind is tougher than ever. I have confirmed what I know and what I tell each and every one of my runners all the time. One step back is a couple of steps forward. Give yourself time. Listening to your body and heart over what your mind is telling you should or should not be doing gives you that resilience.
Stop, pause and identify the triggers…it may be simple, or it might really require that look in the accountability mirror (love Goggin’s).
Find a way to do it, but only if the anxiety of not out-ways the anxiety of doing it!
Get yourself some goals if that helps…
Importantly, know that this is temporary and if you do the right things, you’ll come out the other side stronger than before.
We all have our ups and downs. Talk to whoever, run 4 u and save the perform until later x
My accountability mirror said smile, do the race – if you come last then you have faced your fear and done it anyway. One day at a time Abbey.
#canthurtme #accountabilitymirror #runfortheloveofit
Run 4 U and Perform 
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